So my best friend and her boyfriend are moving forward in their relationship, and by “moving forward” I mean moving in together. These two are extensions of each other. It’s like having two best friends, instead of one best friend with a really cool boyfriend. They have a healthy and fun relationship that I’m genuinely happy to be able to witness. And, while I’m stoked to be the third roommate in our lovely little re-imagining of Three’s Company, I needed to set a few things straight before we went ahead with our new arrangements.
- If you’re going to have loud sex, you will moan in time to the music I’m playing to drown you out. Also, I maintain the right to play boy bands during your sexy time.
- If you’re going to get pregnant while we’re still under the same lease and therefore force me to deal with your pregnancy then you’re going to name the child after me. “Chelsey” if it’s a girl, and “Chester” if it’s a boy.
- If you’re crashing in my bed because boys are smelly then you can’t complain about my having a twin-sized mattress. I am small, I require small things.
- No fighting, between any of us, during major holidays. Reminds me too much of my family.
- No more pets. We already have two dogs, a boy and two fake gingers. That’s enough.
- We celebrate the small accomplishments. Boyfriend woke up on time? Round of applause. Best friend walked the dogs? Wine. I showered twice in one week? Copious compliments on how nice my hair smells.
- One Harry Potter marathon a year and one Lord of the Rings marathon a year – movies or books. (This would be rule #1 but I decided against numbering them)
- At least three deep, intellectual conversations a week. On topics ranging from politics, religion, and pop culture, to family, friends, and work.
- And, finally, no one gets engaged unless I am a part of the asking.
My name is Chelsey Mick, and this is how we pick up and move to St. Louis with our best friend.